catch me if you can

i read an article today in the paper about a woman who was walking to her car at 11:30pm when 2 guys came up out of nowhere, grabbed her purse and then slashed her in the face a few times. this happened just about 10 minutes from my house, and virtually around the corner from my friend's house.  (eek!!!)  i cannot believe that things like this happen.  i have such a fear of something like that happening to me...i think about it all the time.  i feel like i would be so full of adrenaline that i would totally kick the person's face in...amongst other things.  but who knows?  i could be so scared i play dead.  i like to think that the self defense lessons i had a few years ago would kick in and i'd instinctively know how to get 'em right in the nads.  

i must say that since i am so aware of danger lurking, and always assume that i am next, that i think it will never happen to me.  i feel like i carry myself in such a confident way that people know not to mess with me.  also, when i feel like i am going to be in a situation that could potentially involve encountering scary people, i pray in advance that God will protect me, put angels all around me, and that people would be afraid to even come near me, because they sense God all around.  so far it has worked.  

i think that this fear of being attacked has stemmed from a violent episode i witnessed on the subway in nyc.  it was a few years ago...i was visiting my cousin in hoboken, nj with my mom. we had taken the train into the city for dinner and on the way back, we were just sitting there, while a group/gang of teenagers, guys & girls, were throwing paper or something at this business man.  after a while, he got fed up...so he stood up, walked up to the kids and started hitting one of them.  well of course, the gang mentality kicked in, and all the kids jumped up and started attacking this guy.  they punched, kicked, stomped, you name it.  the guy ended up on the ground...bloody...and after a few minutes, he was able to get up and get off at the next stop. 

i was never so horrified in all my life.  i was always very sensitive to violence before that, and since that incident, i truly feel i suffer from a little bit of post traumatic stress disorder.  i have a fear of groups of teenagers as a result.  so now i basically can't watch any movie/tv show that has violence.  if i do, i just play it over and over in my mind and drive myself crazy.  it's sad.

but seeing that guy and feeling so helpless...was horrible.  i mean what could we do?  everyone on the train just kind of got up and moved forward, away from the fight.  it seemed like no one watched...but me.  i wanted to DO something.  i basically cried and hyperventilated because i wanted to do something, but cell phones don't work down there, and even if they did, how could you tell a cop where you were?  it was all over in a matter of moments.  i think about those kids still from time to time.  i pray for them, and wonder what has become of them.  i wonder if they often get into fights and hurt people like that.  how do they live with themselves?  do their mothers know they hurt people?

no, i don't know what i would do if i were faced with a violent situation personally...but i pray that i never need to know...and that those angels really are surrounding me.  cuz my confidence only goes so far.